Time

Tonight we had our progressive Christmas party for our townhouses. Which was kind of lame, especially cause I went to the beginning parts then overly tired baby kept me from last house, which is usually when it gets fun. But I'm sleepy and over it anyways!

While people were at our house (which Matt didn't even arrive to the event at all until people were already at our house-he owes me big time for doing his party work!)a neighbors friend asked me how old Tyler was, and when I told her she remarked that he is still "brand new." This seemed so weird to me. On one hand, it doesn't feel that long ago since I was in the hospital having him, the first week really only seems like it was a couple weeks ago. Perhaps this is in part because I thought I would be better at this whole thing by now. I still feel like it is relatively hard for me to get around places and like SO many things are getting away from still because I can accomplish so little in a day. I think I would have the time management better managed by now.

Really two months is a short amount of time. But when I look into Tyler's face, I feel like he has already come so far. He looks like a small man, and the amazing ways that he has changed startle me and grab my heart. His awareness and growing fascination with the world around him is stammering. Remember when all he did was sleep? Now he stares around, obviously taking everything in. His likeness to Matt touches me, his facial expressions remind me of myself and Grammy Shu, and the color of his blue eyes makes me think of my own mother everyday. What really popped into my mind this evening is the way he has started responding to me in particular. Sure he knew my voice when he was born. But now he is tracking me around a room if I am not holding him, and he can give me looks almost as if to say, "where is she going without me?" or "mama I need you over here, please don't make me cry for you!" He smiles when he sees me and finds silly, dumb little things I do to play with him delightful. Words fail me in describing the way my heart overflows when he laughs and plays with me. Yes I loved him all throughout my pregnancy and when he was first born, but the interaction between us takes it to a whole different level. I feel like he is started to figure out what the "mama" person means to him-he seems to be realizing that I provide him love, comfort, food, attention, companionship and am there to meet his needs. Now we see his love for me start to happen. He is such an amazing blessing!